NAME CALLING

Victorino P Mapa

I am laughing all by myself as I walk down the street.The People who pass me think I’ve gone loco. All because of an article I just read on the September 2 issue of THE WEEK, a magazine akin to Newsweek and Time.THE WEEK’s travel section featured a resort in Poland that “was once one of the most glamorous resorts in Europe.” It extolled the “brilliant renovation of the Baltic town’s 127 room hotel” – the Sofitel Grand SOPOT! My perverted mind considered the possibilities :
A political statement: “Sopots declare their support to the candidacy of…”
The hotel’s brochure: “ the Sofitel’s grand ballroom is where Sopots like to hold their balls….”
“Hey dude, nice of you to call. Where are you?”
“Sopot!”
“Well same to you fella!”
It reminded me of a time when I was listening to a play-by-play radio commentary of a local basketball game in San Francisco and the Americano sportscaster was describing, “the ball is passed to Come Again, Come Again dribbles down the court, Come Again makes a shot and Come Again scores another two points!!! “ The next day I read Come Again’s real name: Cumagun, (Koo-ma-goon)from Batangas.
When I first landed in San Francisco. I took a taxi and asked to be taken to “Gogg Street” The cabbie was confused. Seeing the wetness behind my ears he asked me to spell it. G-O-U-G-H. “Oh, you mean Goff Street!”. Since then I’ve learned to pronounce in Americanese. I now say “Valley Joe” for Vallejo ‘Kew pertino” for Cupertino and “Sannacruz” for Santa Cruz.
I met a Peace Corp volunteer in Manila and asked where she was headed to. She answered loud enough for everyone to hear, ”I am assigned to Make a Baby.” Stunned Silence. I was simply making polite conversation and I get True confessions, I thought. Then she pointed to a name on the map: Macabebe, Pampanga.
Mispronunciations often have hilarious results as with these true tales:
When Richard Nixon was running for President he made a visit to the Philippines to beef up his foreign affairs resume’. He was cordially welcomed and given a tour of Corregidor with a Colonel Teotico as his guide. He was so pleased with the courtesies extended that he asked the Colonel, “May I have your full name sir? I would like to write to your commanding officer to thank him for your graciousness and courtesy in taking the time to show me around.”
The colonel replied. “My name perhaps would be a little hard for you to remember, Mr Nixon. It is Teotimo Teotico.”
Nixon: “Nonsense Colonel, I can say it as well as my name – Tee-tee mo, Tee-tee ko>”
Other officers unfortunately overheard the exchange and to his dying day the Colonel could not live down the name that Nixon gave him
This one was broadcast worldw-de on TV: President Marcos just declared Martial Law and was being interviewed by a gaggle of journalists from around the world. A Japanese newscaster raised his hand to question whether elections will or will not continue. In a thick Japanese accent he queried, “Mr President, now that you have decrrared Martiar Raw, what about your erections?” The President could hardly keep a straight face. He made it worse when he ad-libbed, “well, it all depends on the First Lady…” The Japanese reporter never understood why everyone in the room was shaking with laughter.